Evoke Greatness Podcast

Redefining Resilience with Amberly Lago (Part 2)

• Episode 131

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🎧 Episode 131: Redefining Resilience with Amberly Lago (Part 2)

In this powerful episode of Evoke Greatness,  I sit down with Amberly Lago, a former fitness trainer and professional dancer who turned a devastating motorcycle accident into a catalyst for personal growth and helping others. 

Today, she is a Best selling Author x2, TEDx speaker, and highly sought after business coach who is inspiring millions. Through raw honesty and vulnerability, Amberly offers profound insights on overcoming trauma, battling addiction, and finding self-acceptance.

Amberly shares valuable insights on:

  • The process of redefining beauty and self-worth after physical trauma
  • Navigating the complexities of recovery and the courage to start over
  • The power of vulnerability in healing and inspiring others
  • Developing non-negotiable self-care practices for resilience
  • Transforming personal struggles into a platform for helping others

🔑 Key takeaways:

  1. Self-acceptance is a journey that often begins with others' acceptance and support
  2. Sharing vulnerability can create powerful connections and inspire others
  3. Recovery is an ongoing process that requires honesty and consistent effort
  4. Trauma can become a gift when used to help and connect with others
  5. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness

💡 Quotes to remember: "When we love ourselves, we are walking permission slips. Meaning that when you love yourself, you give others permission to do the same." - Amberly Lago 
"We can't change the past, but we can certainly, we don't have to be defined by our circumstances. We can be defined by our resilience." - Amberly Lago

📚 Resources Mentioned:

Whether you're battling self-doubt, recovering from trauma, or seeking to support loved ones through difficult times, this episode offers valuable insights and inspiration. Remember, as Amberly's journey shows, our greatest challenges can become our most powerful tools for personal growth and helping others!

A rising tide raises all ships, and I invite you along on this journey to Evoke Greatness!

Check out my website: www.evokegreatness.com

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Sonnie:

Welcome to Evoke Greatness. We are officially entering year three of this podcast and I am filled with so much gratitude for each and every one of you who've joined me on this incredible journey of growth and self-discovery. I'm Sunn, your host and fellow traveler on this path of personal evolution. This podcast is a sanctuary for the curious, the ambitious and the introspective. It's for those of you who, like me, are captivated by the champion mindset and driven by an insatiable hunger for growth and knowledge. Whether you're just beginning your journey or you're well along your path, you're going to find stories here that resonate with your experiences and aspirations. Over the last two years, we've shared countless stories of triumph and challenge, of resilience and transformation. We've laughed, we've reflected and we've grown together. And as we've evolved, so too has this podcast. Remember, no matter what chapter you're on in your own story, you belong here. This community we've built together is a place of support, inspiration and shared growth. Where intention goes, energy flows, and the energy you bring to this space elevates us all. So, whether you're listening while commuting, working out or enjoying your morning coffee, perhaps from one of those motivational mugs I'm so fond of, know that you're a part of something special. Thank you for being here. Thank you for your curiosity, your openness and your commitment to personal growth. As we embark on year three, I invite you to lean in, to listen deeply and to let these stories resonate with your soul. I believe that a rising tide raises all ships and I invite you along in this journey to evoke greatness.

Sonnie:

Welcome back to part two of Redefining Resilience with my amazing guest,Amberly amberle Lago. Of redefining resilience with my amazing guest, amberlee Lago. In this episode, she talks about the process of redefining beauty and self-worth after physical trauma, how she's navigated the complexities of recovery and the courage to start over, and how she's developed non-negotiable self-care practices for resilience. Let's hop into it. You talked a little bit about it, but I think back to the fitness industry and the beauty industry and all of this has what we perceive to be this perfectly encapsulated beautiful model. And then you go through this and I imagine that had to have shifted your perspective on what real beauty is outside of maybe what it was prior to the accident. But what did that look like? In almost kind of getting to that place of self-acceptance, at that moment you talk about what the doctor did and it started to open something new for you. But what did that process look like?

Amberly:

It was hard, I'm not going to lie, it was really hard. I was so. I had so much shame about the way that I looked and I mean I had thoughts like well, oh, my goodness is my, is my husband going to love me, are my kids going to be embarrassed of me? And I remember, you know, the first time I went in, like I was in my neighborhood and there's this little boutique and there were some friends that I ran across and I was on my crutches and my leg was showing and I did look like I had been through a war. I mean I had lost 20 pounds of muscle that I did not need to lose. In the hospital I was emaciated. I looked like people thought maybe I was in a fire. I looked like a burn victim because they had taken all the skin from the top of my leg to put it on the bottom of my leg and my leg had compartment syndrome and my calf muscle was now moved into the front of my leg to fill in a hole. My ankle was fused, my leg was stuck straight and I remember walking with my crutches and saying hi. And they said hi and smiled to me, to my face, and I kind of turned around and the looks on their face of just shock and kind of disgust. And I was like, oh wow, that's how people look at me. They look at me that way. I looked at myself that way. I didn't need other people to look at me that way. I knew what I looked like.

Amberly:

I remember when I could finally stand up. I had these little goals that I set. So when I first got out of the hospital we had a hospital bed set up in the living room and I remember the physical therapist would come over and she said lift your leg up off the bed. And I couldn't even lift it off the bed and I thought am I paralyzed? Is it never going to move? And I set these goals and I would just like next time she comes I am going to be able to lift my leg up. It didn't work. The next time I was like I am willing, my leg. It was like I could think about it and I was telling my leg to move and it wouldn't move. Eventually I could lift my leg up. Then my next goal was to be able to stand up out of the bed and I could literally do it for one second and then I would count to 10 and the pain would be so bad I'd have tears running down my face and I'd have to get in the bed and lift my leg up right away. And I had these goals and, believe it or not, my first goal was to be able to stand up long enough to walk with crutches around the corner and use the bathroom on my own instead of using that dang porta potty, and so I did that. Then it was like my goal was to go to be able to go to the mailbox on crutches. And then my goal was to be able to go to Starbucks. That was a block away, and I remember I finally got that goal and I'm at Starbucks and I had to prop my leg up because it was so painful.

Amberly:

And this guy that I used to work with he sees me and he goes oh my God, what happened to you? And I said, oh, I was in a motorcycle accident. He goes oh my gosh, well, if I was married to you, I would divorce you, just like that. And I said, well, it's a good thing I didn't marry you. Good thing, I never even dated you. And so I had my nickname at the gym was Legs.

Amberly:

I used to work out with the male bodybuilders. I was like strong, and now I felt so deformed and ugly and disgusting. And it wasn't until I started. It wasn't until Dr Wiss really looked at me differently and, thankfully, my husband loved me until I could learn to love myself that I slowly started to look down at all my scars and imperfections as, wow, these are the victories that I have won, these are the battles that I have overcome. And look how amazing and strong the human spirit is and how amazing it is that the body can heal the way that it does. And now I look at my scars and I wear shorts all the time.

Amberly:

I worked out earlier in the gym and because my ankles fused and because of the nerve disease, I've tried every kind of tennis shoe and it flares up the nerve disease. And I've finally found a pair of boots, a certain brand, that I can wear that doesn't flare me up, and because my ankles fused to have that little bit of a lift on it. It helps me walk, it helps me work out. So, like I was in the gym this morning and I wear my boots and my shorts. And there's this guy that came over to me at the gym the other day and he said hey, I just want to let you know that your nickname here at the gym is Boots. And I was like that's awesome. And so my nickname went from Legs to Boots and that's fine. And you know, I just one more story, I'll tell you. That really helped me, and this is about how the kindness of other people really makes a difference.

Amberly:

So I remember the first time that I went to the beach and I actually showed my scars and I was sitting on the beach and I saw my husband kind of walking towards the water and there was these gorgeous girls with perfect bodies and their bikinis and they were splashing around and I could tell they were trying to get my husband's attention and I was like, okay, I'm done with this. I am so done with this. I am taking this dang compression sock off. I want to be free of this. I don't want to be in shame, I want to just shine a light on it. My husband comes over and sits next to me. He's such an amazing man. He's just getting emotional. He's just loved me through this.

Amberly:

I used to have to wear two compression socks so my leg wouldn't swell up too much, and I'm rolling down my socks and he goes, oh, should you do that? I mean, is it okay if sun gets on there? And I'm like, yep, I'm taking these compression socks off. And for the rest of the trip I did not wear compression socks and I walked in my bathing suit showing my leg, and it wasn't that easy, but it started to get easier and I was in the elevator the next day and this lady's looking at me and I'm like, oh gosh, she's looking at me with disgust or she's going to ask what happened.

Amberly:

And she looks at me and she goes hey, I just wanted to let you know that.

Amberly:

I saw you at the pool yesterday and I'm like, okay, here it comes and she goes and I just thought, wow, that lady's a warrior, she's a survivor.

Amberly:

Look at what she has been through, she is resilient. And I thought, wow, her words made me feel so good. It made me feel like I'm learning to accept this and I've actually been able to impact somebody positively, you know. And so when I've had then I remember the first time I showed my leg on social media and I had so many people reach out and they were like you have given me the courage to. There was this beautiful girl. I was like why is this gorgeous yogi person following me? Come to find out she had a double mastectomy and really bad scars that she was having trouble accepting. And she had written to me and said hey, because you have shown your scars and you love yourself and you've given me permission to let go of the shame and love myself and love the scars. And I think that when we love ourself, we are walking permission slips, meaning that when you love yourself, you give others permission to do the same 100%.

Sonnie:

Your story is interesting. You posted something on Instagram recently where you talked about this kind of timeline over your life and how life may not turn out the way we had it pictured in our mind at 18 years old or 25 or 40. But you portray your life very openly, very honestly, very transparently, in a way that shows people what's possible, regardless of their circumstances physical, emotional, psychological, spirit, it doesn't matter and your resilience continues to inspire people. So I'm not surprised at all, but I'm just. I'm grateful that you decided to step back out of that and say you know what. I'm going to have a different perspective on this. I'm going to show up differently for this, with trauma of a variety of sorts, and you've had a number of different traumas in your life that probably all almost came to boil right, and we need those pop-off valves when it gets too much, because we can as humans, we can literally only take so much. But I'm curious around what you think the most surprising way that your trauma has been a gift in your life.

Amberly:

You know, I've had people ask me would you take it back? And I can't even think like that. I think that everything happens for us and sometimes in the moment it's horrible and there are authentic catastrophes. But it's up to us to be the victor of our lives and we have to decide and then we have to be willing. I would never, ever, wish sexual abuse on anyone, but because I went through that, I'm able to help others let go of the shame and walk with their head held high and walk with dignity and grace. Head held high and walk with dignity and grace. I had so much shame, oh my goodness.

Amberly:

So after my accident, I was never a partier. In fact I was like I am not going to be like a lot of the people in my family with addiction. That's not me. And so I was just focused on career, career, career. I was the athlete, I was the go-getter and after my accident, when I was trying everything for pain, like oh my gosh, at one point I was on 73 homeopathic pills and 11 different prescription medications. I'd done ketamine infusion, spinal blocks, spinal stimulator, where they implant metal leads into your spine and you have a box implanted in your butt cheek and a machine that turns. I mean I had tried everything, I was a good. I mean, if any snake oil salesman that said we can get rid of your pain, I'd be like, okay, sign me up and nothing. I mean nothing was working.

Amberly:

And then I discovered alcohol. Wow, wine kind of stuffs down this not just the physical pain, but the shame and the emotional pain that I was experiencing. And one led to two, led to three, led to a bottle and then, before you knew it, I was addicted. I mean I was a full-blown alcoholic and I had so much shame about that was a full-blown alcoholic and I had so much shame about that. But it has been such a blessing in my life I can say I'm a grateful alcoholic now because I get to recover. I get to and I know man, addiction does not discriminate. I mean it doesn't care how old you are, where you come from, what race you are, it doesn't matter. Addiction does not discriminate. And I mean I got sober in 2016, by the grace of God. And I had my mom the other day goes. She called and she said, what are you doing? I said, oh, I'm going to my meeting. She goes. Oh, you still go to those recovery meetings, I'm like, yeah, that's how I stay sober.

Amberly:

And I think it's so important to have your non-negotiables and know what it is that allows you to thrive not just survive in life, but to thrive. And so for me, before my family is even awake, I've already been on my knees and prayed, I've already done my gratitude list, I've already gone to my recovery meeting and I've already gone to the gym, and when I get home to take my daughter to school, I am so spiritually filled up, I am so physically ready and the endorphins are going. You know movement moves your mood and that might seem like a lot to do, but it's a hell of a lot better than a life of misery. You know what I mean. And so I think it's really important to know what helps you, to help you to keep moving forward past trauma.

Amberly:

You know we can't change the past, but we can. Certainly we don't have to be defined by our circumstances. We can be defined by our resilience and we can choose what we're going to do with what's left. And for me, I choose to heal and help others. I think that's what life is all about to continue to grow and learn and help others, and I think that true fulfillment comes from when you use your strengths to really help others in their success. That's where life gets really fulfilling.

Sonnie:

Well, and on the topic of recovery, you just surpassed your three-year mark from a sobriety perspective, and you've spoken Well.

Amberly:

I went out for a day.

Amberly:

Right. So it would be what? Five and a half years? I had five and a half years and then I went out for a day. I was, and the reason I'm so adamant about having these this in my knowing what my non-negotiables are is because life got really good. I stopped going to as many meetings, I stopped working out as much. All I did was work, work, work, work, work. I didn't make time for myself, and I love my work, but I didn't make any time for my spiritual growth to move my mood by exercising.

Amberly:

And when life got really hard and there was a very stressful moment in time where my family was going through stuff my brother sits on death row in Texas because of addiction that led him to make bad decisions and I was dealing with his lawyer I had an assistant that I hired and took the money and ran, was just MIA. Where'd she go? Anything and everything that could go wrong. And because I wasn't doing the work to stay spiritually connected, I took a pill. I had a pain pill and I took it not because I was in pain but because I wanted to shut my mind off. And as soon as I took it I thought well, I just lost my sobriety. I wish I could say oh, I felt great, things were good. Nope, I went straight to bed.

Amberly:

The next morning I woke up and I called my sponsor in tears and I said I really screwed up and so I had to start my days over again, which was at the time it sucked and I had so much shame about that and I felt like a failure and I felt like I let my sponsors down and my sober sisters down.

Amberly:

But then I thought you know how blessed am I that I did get right back in and I didn't tell anybody else about this because I didn't want to hear their opinion about it. I knew I had to talk to my sponsor about it and I'm glad I didn't tell other people, because I had other people who were even sober, say oh, one pill, that's not going out Like you shouldn't have to start your days over. But the thing is, I knew that if I was not honest, then what else would I do? Like, if you can't trust yourself, what does that say? Who else is going to trust you? And so that's why I started my days over. So, yeah, I just actually celebrated three years. I just actually celebrated three years, and this Sunday I'm going to a potluck and taking a chip and celebrating with my sober brothers and sisters.

Sonnie:

Congratulations, thank you. That is such a hard thing to do and you talk, like I said, you talk so openly just about these emotions that we struggle with, and shame is a big one. Shame is really easy to draw you down into the depths of, be it your addiction, be it whatever. You're battling with those demons, with the gnashing of teeth, it will get you down there. What do you say to somebody who is battling shame, in whatever capacity that looks like for them? They are desiring to get on that path of really having some self-recovery. What are some words you could share with them to draw them back out of that darkness?

Amberly:

You know what? Ask for help. If there's anything that you can take away from listening to this today is ask for help, because that was really really hard for me. But when I did finally ask for help is when it started to change my life, and so I think it's really important to be able to talk to somebody that you trust, and so, whether that's a therapist or a friend or somebody that you know it could be look, it could be a stranger on social media, but who talks about these sort of things that there's nothing like more powerful than when you can connect with somebody and go oh my gosh, me too and they can share with you how they've gotten through it and through the other side, and that gives you hope. And so I think it's important to don't keep it bottled up inside, because that shame, that pain, demands to be heard, and it will come out in everything that you do, in the way that you love, in the way that you love and the way that you lead, in your relationships and work and the partners you choose and your friendships. And so let it rise to the surface, and it took me two years to write my first book because I had no idea just how cathartic it would be.

Amberly:

I thought I'd done the work with the sexual abuse. I thought I'd done a lot of the work and I realized how incredibly powerful it is and how healing it is to actually write and get your thoughts down. And you know what I write in a journal and you don't even like I write it, sometimes where it's like chicken scratch. I'm just writing, getting it all out, even as if I don't want anybody else to be able to read this. I just need to get this out on paper. There's something healing about that, but there is true healing with connection. I think we all just want to be seen, heard and understood and so reach out for help. Connect with someone. Don't do it alone. Connection is the opposite of addiction. Connection is the opposite of loneliness and we all need that connection. Yeah, we're strong alone, but together. That's when we become unstoppable. We're strong alone, but together. That's when we become unstoppable. That's when we can let go of the shame and shine a light on that and pull each other up and rise together.

Sonnie:

That's it for today's episode, but make sure you come back next week and join us for the part three and final part of this interview with Amberlee Lago Next week. She will share her insights on challenging societal perceptions of disability and chronic pain, the critical role of faith and spirituality in overcoming adversity for her, and the process of writing and publishing her latest book. Hope to see you next week. Thank you so much for listening and for being here on this journey with me. I hope you'll stick around If you liked this episode.

Sonnie:

It would mean the world for me if you would rate and review the podcast or share it with someone you know may need to hear this message. I love to hear from you all and want you to know that you can leave me a voicemail directly. If you go to my website, evokegreatnesscom, and go to the contact me tab, you'll just hit the big old orange button and record your message. I love the feedback and comments that I've been getting, so please keep them coming. I'll leave you with the wise words of author Robin Sharma Greatness comes by doing a few small and smart things each and every day. It comes from taking little steps consistently. It comes from making a few small chips against everything in your professional and personal life that is ordinary, so that a day eventually arrives when all that's left is the extraordinary.

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Sonnie Linebarger

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